Jenelle Evans: I Quit Drinking, Dude! (Except For Beer, Obviously!)

If it’s often difficult to tell what exactly is going on in the life of Jenelle Evans.

There are several reasons for this, not the least of which is the fact that Jenelle is a compulsive liar.

Adding to the confusion is the fact that Jenelle lives in a state of near-constant chaos, and there are probably times when even she’s not quite sure what’s going on in her life.

You’d think with the holiday season and the end of a tumultuous year at hand, Jenelle would take a few days off in order to make sure that she’s well-rested and ready to wreak havoc in 2021.

Instead, she’s finishing the year off with a bang and reminding the world that Covid-19 isn’t the only thing that’s capable of destroying lives on a daily basis.

As you may have heard, Jenelle recently found an outlet that was actually interested in having her sit down for an interview — but to the surprise of absolutely no one, the situation soon blew up in her face.

Jenelle appeared on the This Family Tree podcast, and it seems the hosts didn’t do much research into her past — or her present, for that matter.

When the entire world pointed out to them that Evans is a monstrous person with a mile-long history of bigotry and abuse, the hosts issued a formal “whoopsie!” and deleted Jenelle’s episode from their podcast pages.

The incident led to Jenelle whining that she’s the “most hated person on the internet,” but the hosts inarguable did the rightr thing for both their reputations and the world.

The last thing a pair of up-and-coming media figures need is for their names to be permanently linked to Jenelle’s.

And the last thing the world is for Jenelle to have a platform through which to defend herself.

Of course, despite ourselves, we can’t help but be mildly amused by Evans’ batsh-t insanity, so we were slightly bummed when we were denied the opportunity to hear her spew her unique brand of nonsense at two unsuspecting interviewers.

Fortunately, the fine folks at The Ashley’s Reality Roundup have published the most bonkers quotes from Jenelle’s interview.

Our favorite part is when Jenelle served up a heaping helping of BS in response to a qustion about her drinking and drug use:

“That’s out of my life,” she said.

“I think growing up I wanted to experiment a lot, like everybody does. I did it a little bit too much but I’m really happy that I overcame that.”

Most people’s youthful experimentations don’t lead them on a detour down Heroin Alley, but that’s a conversation for another time.

Asked if she’s afraid that drinking might cause her to relapse and hit the harder stuff, Jenelle ladles up more steaming bull while carefully dodging the question.

“I never really had a problem with alcohol. I have an esophagus problem, it’s esophageal dysmotility. I get spasms in my chest,” she said.

“So certain things can trigger it and liquor is one of them,” she added.

“I can’t take shots anymore. I’ll throw up and I won’t stop for hours. Now I just stick to beer. I might have one or two beers a week, or something. But that’s it. I can’t do it anymore; those days are over,”

If anyone actually believes that Jenelle only drinks one or two beers a week, plese let us know in the comments.

We have some oceanfront property in Arizona we’d like to sell you.

This claim comes just a few days after a video of Jenelle drinking a beer in the bath surfaced on social media.

We’re gonna go out on a limb and guess that most people who only have one or two drinks a week do so socially and not by themselves, in the freakin’ bathroom.

In case the drinking comments left with you any doubt about the extent of Jenelle’s self-delusion, check out her response to the question of whether or not she’s a good mom:

“I think when I look back I was very young and I was doing the best I could at that time,” Jenelle said.

“I grew from it and I’m happy at the place I’m at now. Now I’m a great mom. I try not to let those comments [about me being a bad mom] affect me. I know I had some bad times, but I have overcome it.

That’s not the sort of comment you usually hear from someone who just had their kids taken away by CPS last year, but you have to remember that despite hundreds of hours of footage that proves otherwise, Jenelle believes she never did anything wrong.

In fact, she believes the CPS episode wound up being a good thing because she made money of it!

Yeah, remember Jenelle’s docu-series in which she sics her followers on CPS employees and cries that her children were kidnapped.

Yeah, apparently, she raked in a ton of cash from that one.

“Since leaving the show, I’ve been utilizing my Instagram and my followers,” Jenelle said.

“I’ve been keeping them updated. I’ve been doing YouTube series. Last year I hired a photographer to film myself and I’m still uploading docu-series to my YouTube now. I’ve been making good money just being self-employed and staying at home.”

Evans went on to claim that she basically invented the idea of making money on the internet:

“I was actually kind of scared when I first got let go [from the show] because you think your money’s going to go from here to there,” she said.

“But really, you have millions of different ways to make money out there, especially if you have a big following. I don’t think anyone realizes that,”

Yes, Jenelle — you’re the first person to realize that people with large followings can make money on the internet.

Someone alert Kylie Jenner!

Anyway, there you have it, folks — Jenelle is making money off of our morbid curiosity about her life.

So the next time you see that Jenelle gave an interview somewhere, just do the right thing and wait for the fine the online celebrity gossip community to excerpt it for you.

It’s the only way we’ll ever be able to force this a-hole to get a real job!

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