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Legendary comedy club Carolines on Broadway has sent out its annual hilarious holiday card skewering the year’s biggest names and controversies.
As always, the card begins: “May the holidays bring…” before unspooling its litany of acerbic commentary, which this year includes:
“R. Kelly being assigned to clean the prison urinals.”
“The Lord having mercy on the souls of anyone who did Britney Spears wrong.”
“A place for Democrats and Republicans to come together anywhere other than on Epstein Island.”
“Dave Chappelle as next Grand Marshall of the next Pride parade.”
“Saturday Night Live” comic Pete Davidson — who is currently dating Kim Kardashian after a slew of famous ladies including Ariana Grande, Kate Beckinsale, Kaia Gerber, Margaret Qualley, and Phoebe Dynevor — also gets a shout-out.
“Whatever cologne Pete Davidson is wearing,” it says.
The club is also hoping for “a new scarf for Taylor Swift.” And for “Chrissy Teigen trading in 240 characters for some actual character.”
Sports stars don’t escape the mockery either. The card jokingly asks for Aaron Rodgers to host “a new game show called ‘Put My Teammates in Jeopardy.’”
The card also memorializes the late rapper DMX, and comedians Jackie Mason and Norm Macdonald.
Carolines was closed during the pandemic but reopened in May with a festive ribbon-cutting presided over by owner Caroline Hirsch, Sen. Chuck Schumer and comic Donnell Rawlings.
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