I fear my lover's husband will find out about us but I don't want the sex to stop
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M having brilliant sex with a married woman who said she was getting divorced – but now she’s staying with her husband.
This was meant to be just fun but now I’m worried what I’m getting into. I’m a guy of 28 and was never into relationships before this year.
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When lockdown came along, I hit a sex drought.
I had been used to having one-nighters but girls started worrying they might catch something and stopped wanting to hook up.
So I had a lonely lockdown with just my job — I’m an electrician — to get me out.
I was relieved when restrictions were lifted and we could get back down the pub.
After a couple of weeks I met this sparky woman who owns a clothes shop.
She’s older than me, 37, but I like her confidence and sense of humour. Plus, she has an impressive figure.
We just chatted at first. She said she shared a home with her husband but they were separated and getting a divorce.
She said she didn’t take people back there, though, as it would be tactless.
So I invited her back to mine a few days later, having tidied the place up.
I doubt my one-bedroom flat was what she was used to but that didn’t matter once we got to bed.
The sex was some of the best I’ve ever had. She’s been coming round regularly ever since.
The restrictions are tighter now but we joke we’re in a support bubble together. So I was taken aback when last time she said she and her husband are talking about trying again.
I expected her to say, “So I won’t see you any more” but she said, “I want to carry on seeing you. What we have together is too good to stop.”
She’s obviously not going to tell her husband about me. But suppose he finds out? I don’t want to get into anything heavy.
But I don’t want to stop having all this great sex, either, especially as it would be next to impossible to meet anyone new now.
Topic 4 today
ONE in four wives and two in five husbands are open to sex outside marriage, without wanting to split up.
But there are risks to swinging. My leaflet Swinging And Swapping looks at pros and cons.
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DEIDRE SAYS: If you carry on seeing your lover you not only risk having an angry husband after you but passing on or catching coronavirus.
I know you’ve been enjoying the regular sex but you’re not in love.
It won’t break your heart to tell your lover it’s over.
I realise it won’t be easy to get back into your pattern of casual hook-ups but I suggest you use this fallow time to look at why you are so wary of relationships.
Did your parents have a bad one? Were you emotionally hurt earlier in life?
Counselling would help – see bacp.co.uk.
Sort that out and you’ll be in a better place to meet and keep someone special – and share the best-ever sex with her.
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