'I'm 49 and this is how I've been sneaking in sex since my daughter moved home'
In this week’s How I Do It, a weekly series that sees members of the public fill out a sex diary for seven days, we hear from Miranda*, who’s spent lockdown trying to have sex with her partner without her daughter catching on.
Once your kids are grown, you’d think you would finally be able to stop sneaking around to get your kicks.
But for Miranda, a 49-year-old living in Sheffield, that’s not quite the case, as her 23-year-old daughter is one of the scores of young people to have moved back home for lockdown.
Miranda, who describes herself as ‘at peace’ with her sex life, is happy with the fact that she and her partner have a well-matched sex drive, but she’d like her sex life to be a bit more spontaneous.
Unfortunately, since her daughter is now furloughed, it’s even harder to have sex without her finding out – no doubt making that spontaneity a little harder to achieve.
How does one manage to hide their sex life from a grown adult living under their roof who doesn’t even have work as a distraction? Let’s find out…
Before my partner and I moved in together, we used to spend weekends at his house.
The freedom to have sex as much as we wanted and to make as much noise as we wanted was so liberating. I hadn’t had that since before my daughters were born.
He’s lived with us for about four years now, and I’m back to having to sneak around or do it when my daughter is out.
This was fine while she was working, as my partner and I both work from home anyway, but now she’s furloughed, and we’re all locked down together, so it’s much harder.
We’ve taken to sneaking upstairs while she’s making her lunch and doing the dishes in our basement kitchen.
Today, my partner gave me ‘the look’ that says ‘let’s do it while we can’ and I followed him up to the bedroom. Sometimes I still worry she can hear us, our bed is quite creaky, but I managed to let go and relax, and we had great sex.
My partner jokes that I never say no to sex, and now I come to think about it, I don’t.
I can honestly say that sex has got better as I’ve got older. I used to wonder what all the fuss was about when I was younger, and I rarely came through having intercourse.
A friend of mine and I used to joke that if we could find a man who could make us come as well as we could ourselves we’d hold onto him, and I have found that man.
It’s taken me a long time to find him, but now that I’m with someone who puts the effort in to making sure I’m getting mine too. I always want it.
My partner woke me in the night with a bit of light groping, though he was still asleep.
He does this sometimes. He usually plays with my breasts and strokes my body, though sometimes he humps me a bit and once he even went down on me in his sleep.
We wonder if it was brought on by his years of working a night shift, as that does cause insomnias of varying sorts and sexsomnia is one of them. But I’ve found it usually means he’s horny the next day.
Today, however, the plumber is here to fix our leaking bathroom, so there’s little chance of us getting up to anything. We usually find we’re too tired in the evenings and prefer having sex in the daytime, but sometimes life gets in the way.
The plumber was back today, but my partner and I were both feeling in the mood.
By mid-morning my partner was sexting me from his office, which is at the bottom of the garden, asking me to meet him down there to give him a blowjob.
We don’t often get up to anything down here, even though it is separate from the house, because it’s cold and uncomfortable.
When we were first dating, in the ‘can’t keep your hands off each other’ stage we did it anywhere and everywhere, but these days I like at least some degree of comfort.
After he orgasmed he instinctively started undressing me, but I chose to bank this one for later. A combination of the plumber being in the house, my daughter home, and the cold uncomfortable office was putting me off.
After my divorce I was single for six years and I used to masturbate regularly.
Since being with my partner I rarely feel the need to, but I know he does.
He’s ten years younger than me, and he has a slightly higher sex drive than I do, though mine has definitely increased as I’ve got older.
I’m also a lot more laid back about little things like that in our relationship. Once I would have seen him masturbating as a sign that he didn’t want to have sex with me, but now I see it for what it is – having sex in our household situation can feel less spontaneous than we’d both like, and I get that he might need to have a wank in his office now and then.
Today I find myself worrying about how the menopause might affect our sex life. I really hope that it doesn’t.
I’ve heard that it’s a ‘use it or lose it’ thing, so I intend to keep on using it.
Although every day does feel the same at the moment in lockdown, we do try to have a lie in at the weekends and relax with a drink in the evenings, if only to still give us that distinction between the working week and the weekend.
This evening we opened a bottle and put a film on. My daughter tends to watch what she wants in her room, so we sometimes get a bit playful on the sofa.
She never has, but I still worry she might walk in on us.
After a couple of glasses of wine we had sex on the sofa this evening. I made sure I got oral, not especially in return for giving it to him the other day, but because he is really good at it. Then I straddled him on the sofa, and he got his too.
My daughter might not have walked in, but the dog was staring at us the whole time. Sometimes it feels impossible to get any privacy.
My partner spent the day painting the bathroom after we got the leaks fixed this week and I did the housework.
I never intentionally went looking for a younger man, but it seems to be working for us.
We seem to meet in the middle in a lot of ways, and sex is one of them. Today, though, it’s all about the cuddles.
I often look at him and think how much I fancy him, which is unexpected for me after six years together.
I’ve also never been in a relationship where I’ve still wanted sex with my partner so much after this length of time together, so something is definitely working between us.
Sometimes I worry about the future. As I get older, maybe those 10 years of age difference will become an issue, but for now it doesn’t feel like there are 10 years between us at all.
When he finished painting the bathroom we collapsed on the sofa together to watch some trashy TV.
We cuddled up. And that’s when my daughter walked in. She glanced at us and carried on to the kitchen without a second look.
Maybe I worry too much about her hearing us or knowing when we have sex. At least we were only cuddling this time.
I watched her go, and then I looked at the other sofa opposite, and there was the dog, staring at us.
*Names have been changed.
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
Fancy taking part yourself? Email [email protected] for more information.
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