Life coach whose husband was porn addict helps others experiencing same ordeal

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A woman has devoted her life to helping women overcome their insecurities when their husbands are addicted to porn — after she went through the same ordeal.

Jolene Winn, who now runs her own coaching services, had been married to Rob almost six years before she found out her husband's habit and it began quietly ruining her life.

Her insecurities began ruling her life and "controlled what I weighed, whether or not I went on a trip, whether or not I made dinner, had the kids ready for bed when he came home, and whether or not I felt connected to him sexually", she told the Daily Star.

"It was like my entire world was revolving around his addiction."

She became isolated and had no idea who to talk to and decided she didn't want other women to feel the same way.

Revealing her own story, Jolene said: "When we had been married for about 5-6 years, my husband came to me and confessed that he'd secretly been addicted to pornography the entirety of our marriage.

"He then closed the conversation with, "I'm handling it and I don't want to talk about it". It was more of an informative declaration than a conversation and it was completely out of the blue.

"Part of me thought, "Ok. We can totally handle this" and part of me thought, "What's wrong with me? What am I missing that he's seeking through porn?"

"I felt cheated and rejected and even though I understood pornography addiction intellectually, I couldn't quite explain how I felt.

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"I knew it had nothing to do with me and yet I felt as though it did. And, at the time, I didn't have the tools to work through that dissonance.

"I tried to be supportive of my husband but it was frustrating for several years as I believed that the thing that would help us overcome this would be having him get professional help.

"I wanted him to go to therapy or counselling or a group or whatever he would be willing to do but he insisted that he was able to work through it on his own.

"It was years before it even occurred to me that perhaps I could go seek professional help with the emotions I was feeling rather than simply relying on him to overcome his addiction to make me feel better."

A few years later, after working on herself, the 33-year-old mother-of-five from North Carolina started coaching women on how to deal with their own self-perception to stop them from blaming themselves.

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She also runs 'The Porn Addict's Wife' podcast which is available to stream on Spotify which has reached 71 episodes.

"My coaching involves teaching women how to break free from their husband's pornography addiction even if he never does," she explained.

"ife coaching is all about learning how your brain works and how to process all your emotions in a healthy way. It's about taking ownership and responsibility for your life and refusing to be a victim-all of which were extremely appealing to me.

"As I began to apply what I had learned in my own life and to my own situation, I felt a huge responsibility to go find the woman I used to be and teach her everything I had learned.

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"Being the wife of a porn addict is an extremely isolating experience as it is not something that is generally spoken of, even to close friends or family members because of the shame and guilt carried by the addict themselves.

"My desire to coach the porn addict's wife is drawn from knowing that there are thousands of women out there silently struggling, thinking that the answer to their suffering is for their husband to get the help he needs, when that is not the answer at all.

Speaking on the latest episode of her podcast, the certified life coach said: "Your life does not have to revolve around your husband's pornography addiction. You are not defined by his choices or what he sees on the screen.

"You are not just the porn addict's wife, you are so much more."

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