My 12-year-old daughter's friend overstays her welcome

My daughter’s 12-year-old friend overstays her welcome and uses my expensive shampoo when she sleeps over – should I confront her mother?

  • Mum complained on Mumsnet that her daughters friend overstays her welcome
  • Read More: Mum sparks debate saying kids should give up their seat for adults

A mother has complained that her daughter’s friend overstays her welcome and uses her expensive beauty products when she is invited round.

Taking to British parenting platform Mumsnet, the anonymous woman explained that she feeds the 12-year-old, cares for her and often hosts her for sleepovers. 

However, she said the arrangement is starting to bother her after she found out that on one occasion when the child slept over, her mother was out on the town for a date.

When the girl’s mother eventually came to pick up her daughter she stayed in the car instead of thanking the family for taking care of her child all weekend.

As she asked others for their thoughts on her predicament, many agreed that the mother was out of line – however when it came to the 12-year-old, lots of them expressed sympathy and said no one can know what’s going on in the child’s home life. 

A mum complained that her daughters friend overstays her welcome and uses her expensive beauty products (stock image)

The woman explained: ‘My 12 year old has a school friend. This girl frequently comes home from school with [my daughter] and I feed her, care for her, she sleeps here etc when her mum’s ‘busy’.

‘She’s a nice kid, but prone to a lack of respect at times. She refers to me as her second mum which is slightly odd but somewhat endearing. 

‘It’s probably why I let some of her behaviour slide. Like, for example, she’ll decide she needs a shower and will go in to my ensuite and help herself to my very expensive shampoo and conditioner. 

‘She takes them back to [my daughter’s] bathroom, where after use she’ll leave them thrown on the floor along with her wet towels. Apparently the shampoo and conditioner I provide for my own daughter isn’t good enough for her hair type.

‘Anyway. On Friday after school my [daughter] calls. Can her friend come over? Okay I say. They turn up just before dinner… and this kid has been here ever since. 

‘She left about ten minutes ago after announcing ”I’m going! My mum’s outside in the car. We’re off out for dinner, bye!” 

‘Then out the front door she trots, wearing my daughter’s hoodie, socks and sliders. I doubt I’ll see those again. I asked [my daughter] if she was invited out for dinner too. She wasn’t.

‘This bothers me, and I’ll tell you why. On Friday evening she tells me her mum is out in town in a date. [My partner] and I exchanged a glance. 

Taking to British parenting platform Mumsnet , she explained that she feeds the 12-year-old, cares for her and she sleeps over a lot in their house

‘So we are both aware that her mum’s off with a new fella thus she needs the childcare and so sent her kid here.

‘On Saturday early eve the girls ask if they can go out and ask for money for food and drink. I send £20 to this girl’s account because [my daughter] doesn’t have a bank card yet and I didn’t want to hand mine over.

‘They head off to the garden of a local very reasonably priced chain pub for a coke and a pizza before going on to meet friends at the park.’

She continued: ‘My daughter calls later on to ask for a lift home. I say no, it’s still light and you’re a ten minute walk away, see you shortly. 

‘She chats about their evening and says they asked her friend’s mum for a lift home to ours but she was ‘too drunk’. When they arrived at the pub she was already there drinking apparently.

‘Am I unreasonable to think that if you’re going to palm your child off on someone else all weekend so you can go out to the pub and go on dates, and you’ve very much aware that someone else has given your daughter money for a meal out, then the very least you can do is get out of your car, come to the door and say thanks for having my child all weekend. 

People left there own thoughts on the situation in the comments with some saying the mum is being a ‘doormat’

‘And if you want to take your kid out for dinner afterwards, that’s fine. But don’t tell your DD this plan until you’re well away from the house you left them at all weekend.’

Responding to the post, people left their own thoughts on the situation in the comments with some saying the mum is being a ‘doormat.’ 

One person wrote: ‘Why on Earth are you letting yourself and your daughter be treated like this?’

Another said: ‘The other mum is [cheeky] but I don’t understand why you’re allowing the behaviour? It’s your house, don’t let her use you shampoo or take the clothes.’

While someone else wrote: ‘Stop being such a doormat and allowing your daughter to be one too.’

However others blamed the child’s mother with some saying she sounds like she could be an alcoholic.

However others blamed the child’s mother with some saying she sounds like an ‘alcoholic’

The original poster added: ‘I’m going to have a word with the mum and tell her what I think.

One person wrote: ‘Before I even got to the bit about her being drunk my ‘alcoholic parent radar’ was going off.

‘Yes the girl does seem a bit too comfortable at your house and lacks respect but I would hazard a guess she is escaping to yours from a chaotic life at home.’

Another said: ‘OP you sound like a saint and probably the only stability this child has in her life.

‘Without doubt her mum is [cheeky] but the child will be forever grateful to you for bringing her up.’

Someone else said: ‘Obviously she’s [cheeky] and so is the daughter.

‘However, you are really doing this for your [daughter] – if she is happy with this arrangement I’d bite my tongue.

‘I would start putting some boundaries in place though (like no going in my ensuite !).’

The original poster added: ‘I’m going to have a word with the mum and tell her what I think.

‘I’ve also asked my daughter how she feels about her friend being here all weekend and so often. She said she’s her best friend, of course she likes her being here. 

‘As for the ‘borrowing’ clothes, I’m writing a list of the items that haven’t been returned and will give it to the mum when I have a word.

‘There’s no way I’m going to just cut this kid off. She’s sweet and kind. She’s absolutely tiny too, which makes me feel she’s perhaps more vulnerable than she actually is. 

‘But she tells me she loves me and she made me a Mother’s Day card etc., so I think she’s crying out for a maternal figure. 

‘Yes she’s a cheeky little madam with things like helping herself to my things, but I do care for her very much.’

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